Thoughts for the Flames
by TRIX19
Summary: Zuko never understood friendship in any means. He just thought that people like him weren't able to have friendships. That they weren't able to be loved. That life was only him, alone. Alone with his thoughts. The thoughts that could make the end of him. Rated T for language. *A character study on Zuko and other members of The Gaang*
1. Chapter I

**New fanfic! This is actually a story I posted on Wattpad so I'll be updating it here, and there. (Check out my Wattpad! Link on my profile!)**

**Rated T for some language... that's probably it. About which couples are going to happen... I don't really know. I want to stick with the series but I know that a lot of people will complain.**

**Review, Favorite, and Follow if ya like it~**

**Disclaimer: Do I need to explain?**

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><p><strong>Chapter I<strong>

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><p>Thinking is something normal for human beings. Some do it more than others, and some don't do it at all. Zuko is a person of thoughts. His nerves and his heart are filled with these thoughts, both good and bad. Mostly bad... very bad. His self-esteem was never something he was proud of... since he had no self-esteem at all. Being told at birth that he would never be good enough... its easy to believe... isn't it? The teen always <em>tried<em> to erase the bad thoughts with happy words... like _'you can do it' _or _'you aren't worthless'_, but it rarely worked... _rarely._

The times when it did work, though... those times were the best! Like when Sokka and him managed to break three prisoners out from the Boiling Rock... that made him happy, only for a little while, but that little while meant everything. More than everything, actually.

Sometimes, (more like most of the time) Zuko lets his thoughts keep him company rather than real people. Even though his thoughts can be rude... and in some extents of heartbreaking, he knew that his thoughts would never lie to him.

But sitting there... _alone_... in that room... he couldn't help but let the dreadful thoughts overcome him. Dragging him into this utmost amount of pain. His heart, his nerves, his soul... all being crushed inside of him by the wicked ruler of them all... himself. As if anyone could help him... no one loved him. No one _liked _him. He was alone... not only in that room but in life itself. Only his thoughts could keep him company. Only the imprints of his tears that are scattered across his soul. _  
><em>

Even though everyone was starting to trust him, he couldn't help but think that all they wanted out of him was his bending skills. Then again, Zuko didn't join the Gaang to make friends. He joined them to help the Avatar, Aang. Teach the young airbender the art of firebending. Teach him how to burn the flesh off of his enemies. Teach him how to control the power. Teach him how to do the things he took _years_ learning. Teach him things that he scarcely knew of himself.

It was hard, Zuko concluded, watching Aang as he mastered all of the techniques in just a few weeks. The teen never learned firebending so quickly... but Aang could. This small twelve-year-old could do more in a week than Zuko could do in a month. Then again he _is_ the Avatar. The Avatar, the person who could master all of the elements and Zuko, a banished prince who couldn't even master one.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps outside of his room. "Hey Sparky, you awake too?" The head of the blind bandit peeked through the open door that led to Zuko's room.

"Uh... yeah," He answered quietly, sitting up. He heard a sigh just before the blind girl walked into his room and sat down on his bed. She bit her nails with a frown, waiting for Zuko to explain why he was up at such an hour. "I couldn't sleep," The teen answered the girl's unspoken question.

"Yeah, I can see that," Toph muttered sarcastically. _How __ironic_, Zuko mused. The young twelve-year-old let out another sigh before speaking. "Suki and Sokka kept me up," The raven-haired girl rolled her pale eyes at the thought. After finally realizing what Toph meant, Zuko grimaced and shuddered, causing Toph to laugh. "I know right!"

"Well," Zuko gulped with disgust. "I certainly was not up because of... _that,_" The young girl let out another laugh before he continued. "I was just..." Zuko thought for a moment, not really _sure_ of why he was up. "Thinking... that's all."

Toph nodded with amusement. "I've noticed something about you Sparky..." Zuko winced at the nickname while the young girl spoke. "You seem to think a lot." _Obviously_, Zuko thought, _what else can I do?_

"Thanks... I guess." Zuko replied back with a questioning tone. Toph smirked and licked her lips.

"Trust me, it's a good thing." Toph retorted. "Especially when you're around these people." Zuko furrowed his only eyebrow with confusion, Toph sensed his confusion and continued. "We're all kids, Zuko. Not all of them have matured yet and when I mean all of them I'm talking about Twinkle Toes. It seems as if the kid is never gonna grow up."

Zuko nodded in agreement. Aang was extremely childish and always acted as if nothing was wrong... which sometimes was a good thing, seeing that the Gaang needed a lift in spirit at times. The teen thought for a moment longer... at last, realizing something.

_I've never been happy... not even as a child, _Zuko frowned as the thought entered his mind. He was always on the lookout... always _scared_. The firebender couldn't even remember a time where he wasn't sad... maybe when his mother was still with him.

Toph shifted awkwardly, not happy with the silence that came between them. "You seem quiet all of a sudden," Zuko didn't reply, causing Toph to bite her lip, sensing Zuko in deep thought. "What is it Sparky?" The young girl asked with (surprisingly) a drop of concern in her voice. The teen jumped a little and looked up at the blind girl.

"Oh... what? It's nothing." Zuko replied quickly. Toph nodded slowly as she stood up from the bed.

"Okay, Sparky... whatever you say~" Toph sang as she walked out of the room, leaving Zuko alone. Toph _knew _that something was up with Zuko. And she was going to find out what it was.

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><p><strong>I hope that I got everyone in character... I would be a shame if I didn't.<strong>

**I will update soon! **

_**Edit (November 11th, 2015):**_** Edits on grammar**


	2. Chapter II

**Blargh hello! Thanks for the comments and the favorites and such!**

**This chapter has more characters! More plotty goodness!**

**Disclaimer: Do I need to explain?**

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><p><strong>Chapter II<strong>

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><p>Zuko knew that she was watching him. It embarrassed him to admit that it took him a while to figure it out. She must have been watching him for days... not that he blamed her or anything. <em>I guess she's as sneaky as Sokka says, <em>Zuko pondered. Sneaky alright... but not sneaky enough.

Toph wasn't the only one watching him and Zuko knew this. Suki has been watching him ever since the Boiling Rock... along with Hakoda. The firebender knew that he deserved this type of behavior from the others but he couldn't help but feel _uncomfortable_. Zuko never liked being the center of attention and it seemed that that's exactly where he was at the moment. He couldn't escape. He was _stuck_.

Supper was not at all graceful. It was truly the most awkward thing Zuko ever had to live through. The teen sat there, silent, while the other kids chatted away. Zuko attempted to listen in on the conversations, but gave up almost immediately. As if a _prince_ knew how to use bending to catch a lop-eared rabbit. So instead, Zuko pushed his rice around, letting his mind explore itself...

"Why aren't you eating?" The raven-haired teen looked up from his plate to see a landmass of eyes staring at him. "Do you not like it?" A certain waterbender asked. Zuko internally groaned. He _really_ wasn't in the mood for this.

"No Katara it's fine," Zuko responded softly. "I'm not... very hungry... is all."

_Take it slow... Zuko... slow and easy..._

Katara didn't respond. Instead she glared at him, setting her arms across her chest. Zuko frowned and eyed the humans that surrounded him. _Why are they all staring at me... can they stop?_ The silence stretched even longer... making Zuko even more confused. _Do they expect me to say something?_

"Uh..." Zuko mumbled, gaining attention from the others. _What do I say? What do I do?_ "I don't know how to deal with this."

Aang stifled a laugh while Toph and Sokka burst out in laughter. The Duke and Teo smiled in amusement while the others stared at Katara, waiting for her reaction. "You think this is funny?" Katara raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "You think that you can just flounce in here and become 'Mr. Funny' guy?" The firebender opened his mouth to reply, but closed it abruptly, not knowing what exactly to say. "Well you can't!" Katara hissed.

"'Flounce'... what a strange word to use..." Zuko then stated, attempting to change the subject. This caused even more laughter to erupt from the children. _No but really... who says 'flounce'?_

"Don't change the subject!" Katara scolded. "You're a traitor and that's all you will ever be!" Zuko let out a sigh and stared at his lap; this was going to take a while. "You're the enemy! I bet that you're planning to attack us when we don't suspect it! I bet-"

"Calm down, sugar queen!" The blind earthbender interrupted with a snicker. Katara's gaze swiftly shifted to Toph, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Do you _hear_ yourself?" The brunette questioned. Toph gave the other girl a lazy smirk.

"I'm blind not deaf, sweetie."

"Then how come you're defending _him_?" Katara was seething by now and Zuko had to physically stop himself from flinching whenever she spoke.

Toph shrugged calmly, "I'm not defending anyone. I'm just telling you to calm down."

Katara scowled before looking over at the rest of her calm companions. The waterbender shook her head in disbelief before opening her mouth. "What's wrong with all of you?" Katara exclaimed. "How can you just sit there like nothing's wrong?"

"Well," Sokka started. "You gotta tell us what's wrong, Katara."

"What's _wrong_?" Katara snorted in disbelief. She then threw her arm out at Zuko's direction. "He's wrong!"

Zuko didn't even have to look up to know that all eyes were on him. Obviously, where else would they be? _Maybe they're admiring the sky...? Maybe there was a shooting star or something. _The banished prince almost grimaced at his own attempts at being optimistic. Zuko let out a sigh beforepushing the rice around on his plate some more, drowning in his thoughts. _Are they still staring at me?_ Zuko looked up slowly to see everyone watching him. _This isn't even remotely fair._

The teenager gave them an awkward smile. "So... the weather lately..." _I'm an idiot._

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><p><strong>So I am really sick blah.<strong>

**Sorry that it's short... and late. **

**It's not as good as the first chapter... but I tried.**

_**Edit (November 11th, 2015):**_** I fixed some grammar, took out some awkward shit, and added some things. All minor changes!**

**~Review, Favorite, and Follow~**


	3. Chapter III

**SO MANY COMMENTS! I AM PLEASED!**

**I wish there were more angsty Zuko fanfics though... like me some angst. ****I like Zuko in pain for some reason... why...?**

**I'm late... again... haha... sorry.**

**Disclaimer: what even**

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><p><strong>Chapter III<strong>

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><p>The banished prince groaned as he sat up from his bed. Zuko was unable to sleep at all last night. Actually... Zuko hasn't had a good night's sleep at all since he joined Team Avatar. Too many thoughts. Too many unresolved problems. <em>Like Uncle most likely hating me to my most inner core. <em>

Zuko shook his head, hoping to shake off his negative thoughts, and stood up from his bed. He stretched, changed, and headed out the door.

The teenager would have never have guessed that he would be teaching the Avatar firebending. _Never_. Even now, as he meditates, trying to calm his nerves before Aang comes along and introduces his nerves to whole new levels of anxiety, Zuko _still_ couldn't believe that he's mentoring the Avatar. The _Avatar. _Zuko frowned in thought. _I__f I wake up and this is all a dream..._ Zuko then shook his head sharply. That was a possibility Zuko didn't even want to _think_ of.

Aang as a student wasn't as surprising as the idea of Aang _being_ his student. The airbender was a quick learner, able to grasp complex concepts in just a few minutes. _He is the Avatar... if anyone can do it, it would be him._

And although Zuko knew all of this, he couldn't help but feel a bit surprised and a bit... jealous. When Zuko was a young child, he spent _days_ trying to grasp concepts that Aang understood in mere _seconds_. Even now, at the age of seventeen, Zuko _still_ hasn't mastered firebending. And here's Aang, at the ripe age of twelve, mastering firebending to the point where he's overpowering _his own teacher_. It was like teaching a more talented but less psychotic version of Azula. Overwhelmed was an understatement on how Zuko felt about the predicament.

"Good morning, Sifu Hotman!"

The firebender jumped at the bubbly voice. Zuko stifled a groan as he opened his eyes to see a young airbender smiling at him. "Don't call me that..." The raven haired teen mumbled under his breath. Aang frowned lightly at his firebending teacher.

"Come on Zuko! Lighten up!" Aang exclaimed as a small flame appeared above the palm of his right hand. The airbender grinned at Zuko with pride, causing the teen to roll his eyes and clap slowly.

"Nice job Aang," Zuko said with no emotion in his voice. "You managed to make a fire pun and _not_ burn down a building!"

The young Avatar pouted immediately after this was said. "I was just trying to make you smile!" Aang stated. "Now flip that frown upside-down!" He chirped, pushing Zuko's cheeks upwards. The firebender slapped Aang's hands off of him.

"I wasn't even frowning," Zuko claimed.

"Yes you were!" Aang argued back.

"No I wasn't!"

"Then what were you-"

"IT'S MY FACE!" Zuko shouted, creating a silence between the two of them.

"Wait..." The airbender said, breaking the stillness that had just started. "So your face is permanently a frown?" He questioned. "Well that's sad."

"My face can make as many emotions as yours can, Aang."

"Oh really?" Aang smiled at the firebender. "Then smile! Right now!"

Zuko let out a loud sigh before giving Aang a forced, uncomfortable smile. Aang bit his lip and responded, "You know what Zuko? I'm going to make you smile for real! Not some fake... creepy smile... but a real one!" Zuko stared at the younger boy with annoyance.

"Have fun because that's not going to happen."

"Yes it will!" Aang beamed. "Watch me make it happen, Sifu Hotman!"

_More fire puns for me... how satisfying. _"Don't call me that..."

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><p><strong>Okay... so I'm really late omfg sorry! Basically I was going to post the chapter wayyy earlier but then I forgot to save it... (I am so smart).<strong>

**Then I got lazy... then I had a history project... and then I got even more lazy...**

**Reviews are appreciated! I want to know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong!**

**Is it OC? I think I made Aang too jumpy but idk...**

_**Edit (November 11th, 2015):**_** I TOOK OUT ZUKO'S EMO DIARY. but rly though i took out the diary/journal thing because it was way to cliche and i physically cringed from reading it omg. i'm sorry if you liked it, but i honestly couldn't continue writing about it. it was too cliche and had a too predictable plotline rip**

**Favorite, Follow, and Review!**


	4. Chapter IV

**HI PEOPLE! This chapter is cutesy, punny, and sassy. I have been gone for a while... (mainly because of school and my state meet) but I am back! And guess who's sick again! I get sick too often I swear to gawdddd**

**Not a lot of angst in this chapter...**

**So its going to be friendly and nice... I'm mean besides Katara goin ape shit on Zuko. *ahem* TrAItOR!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned ATLA, Zuko would have a cat obsession.**

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><p><strong>Chapter IV<strong>

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><p>"We have a goal today!"<p>

Everyone besides Aang stared up at Sokka with curious eyes as he paced back and forth with his hands on his hips. Katara, Aang, Toph, Teo, Haru, Suki, and The Duke were sitting around the fire while Sokka was speaking to them."Hurry it up, will you?" Toph grunted, biting her nails. The Watertribe teen frowned at the blind girl.

"That's offensive."

"Sokka!"

"Okay! Okay! I'll get on with it!" Sokka croaked. "I have been informed by our good friend, Mr. Avatar, of some shocking news!"

Teo raised an eyebrow at Sokka. "News about what?"

"News about..." Sokka paused dramatically before continuing. "Zuko."

Katara grimaced before turning to Aang. "What did he do, Aang? Tell me!"

"He didn't do anything, Katara," Aang assured. "Its what he didn't do."

They all stared at Aang, waiting for him to continue. "Smile," Aang explained. "Sifu Hotman doesn't smile."

"So?" Haru questioned. "Why should we care?"

"Because he's our friend!" Aang responded, causing Katara to snort. The young airbender looked over at Katara. "What? He is!"

"No, he's not," Katara objected. "He's of the fire nation. He's a _traitor_. That's all he is."

The Duke bit his lip before he spoke. "I dunno... isn't that racist?" Silence rapidly spread across the area, as everyone stared at the young boy. "I mean... I don't like the fire nation either but... I like Zuko," The Duke continued gently. "Zuko isn't like the other fire nation people."

The waterbender rolled her eyes before standing up. "Whatever... you guys can buddy up to the _prince_ if you want. I'm going to bed," and with that, Katara walked back towards her room in the air temple.

After Katara left, Toph sighed. "Well, you tried Duke."

The young boy frowned. "It's _The _Duke."_  
><em>

Toph chuckled and nodded. "Oh right, I totally forgot."

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><p>Zuko sat in his room after dinner. He was the first one to leave to his room... like always. <em>I bet they're talking about me, <em>Zuko thought as he polished his duel dao swords. _I bet Katara is just screaming about how much she hates me. _The firebender bit his lip and sighed. _Maybe she's not the only one. _Zuko put the swords down and frowned. _Maybe-__  
><em>

"Shut up, Sokka!" Zuko jumped **(A/N the first time I wrote this sentence I accidentally type 'humped' omfg) **slightly, startled by the hushed voices outside his room. "Next time you speak I'm going to ram a sharp rock up your ass!" Zuko covered his mouth with his hands, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Toph!" A voice, Zuko recognized as Aang, exclaimed. "That's a bad word! You shouldn't be saying that!"

"Yeah," _That sounds like Haru. _"How do you even know that word?"_  
><em>

"How do you have a mustache?"

"... I cannot defend myself."

"Lower your voices!" _Teo... _"It won't be much of a surprise if he hears us!"

"If anyone is talking loud, it's Sokka!" Zuko could practically hear the eye roll coming from Toph.

"Come on, Toph! Sokka hasn't said a word since your threat," _Suki is here too?_

"That's what he's supposed to do when somebody threatens him!"

"Hey, guys..." The Duke piped, only to have everyone ignore him.

"You shouldn't be threatening him in the first place!"

"Um... Guys..."

"Yeah, Suki!" Sokka cheered. "Show her who's boss!"

"Guys..."

"I rather not, Sokka," Suki then said.

"Guys!"

The whole group of teens stared at the young boy. "I think..." The Duke began. "I think that Zuko heard us..." He finished, pointing towards the door of Zuko's room. They looked over at the room to see the firebender standing there, amused.

"Tell me what's going on before I... you know... _ram a fire ball up your ass,_" Zuko mimicked. A sheepish smile ran across Toph's face.

"Yeah... he heard us..."

"Come on. Tell me," The banished prince calmly said. Aang bit his lip and held up a basket that he was hiding behind his back. Zuko stared at the basket of berries, and then at Aang.

"Suprise...?" Aang then smiled embarrassingly at Zuko. The firebender shook his head.

"I can't take these."

All of their faces fell after his statement. "What?" Sokka questioned. "Why not? We spent like an hour picking those!"

"No I mean... I'm glad that you guys took the time and everything but..." Zuko gave them an eye roll. "These berries are poisonous."

They all stared at Zuko with wide eyes. "Are you serious?" Haru questioned. "How do you even know that?"

Zuko's cheeks heated up as he looked away from the group in front of him. "It's a long story..."

"Don't worry Sparky! I think I already know what happened," Toph responded with a laugh.

"So," Zuko then said, turning towards Aang. "Why?"

Aang looked up at Zuko and gave him a bright smile. "I told you that I was going to make you smile, remember?" _That's what this was about? Making me smile?_

"I'm not smiling, Aang," Zuko reminded the young Avatar.

"I know but..." Aang trailed off a bit before continuing. "You're smiling on the inside! Right?"

Zuko responded with a small nod. The firebender almost let out a sigh of relief when Aang smiled, excepting his nod as an answer. Zuko was too embarrassed to admit it... but their little show, although it caused Zuko another near-death experience, did make him smile on the inside. _Just a little bit._

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><p><strong>I might have been OC... sorry lol<strong>

**BUT I ACTUALLY GAVE THE DUKE LINES! THE DUKE NEVER GETS LINES IN THE SHOW OMFG**

_**Edit (November 11th, 2015):**_** I fixed some grammar mistakes which is minor, BUT I also changed the ending! I changed the angsty ending of Zuko lying to them, saying he's smiling on the inside and then him brooding on how he lied TO a happy cute ending! Because although this fic is supposed to be angsty, it's about Zuko overcoming his insecurities and small victories like this will help him do so! **

**Favorite, Follow, and Review! :3**


	5. Chapter V

**I'm late~ I'm late~ Why am I always late?~ *sigh***

**I have no excuse... besides tumblr.**

**FOLLOW ME BTW: loserly**

**There is a link in my bio as well!**

**Also! If you're a fan of Soul Eater, please read the endy talky thing... :)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned ATLA, Zuko would have a cat obsession.**

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><p><strong>Chapter V<strong>

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><p>Sleep was always an issue for him. Thoughts filled into his mind and caused terror and stress. <em>Because searching for the meaning of life at one in the morning is mandatory.<em> This seemed to happen every night as well. Am I important?_— _Do I matter?_—_ Do I cause pain?_— Am I a sickness?_

_Yes, yes, yes, and oh my god... did I say yes?_ At least the young firebender knew that he was smart... smarter than Sokka at least. He knew how people _really_ felt about him. _Disgusting... selfish... traitor. _

_Sounds like Katara_, Zuko pondered as he laid down on his bed. _Well it's not just Katara who sounds like that now is it?_

The exiled prince sighed and thought about the event that occurred earlier. _Did they give me those poison berries on purpose? Were they trying to kill me?_ Zuko shook his head to himself. _As if... no matter how much they hate me they would never do that._

Zuko ran his hands through his dark bangs.

Although it was quiet, everything seemed louder to the scarred teen. The chirps of the crickets, the snores from Toph, the thumping of his heart_—_ it all sounded like an avalanche falling on top of him. _Crushing _him. _Demolishing _him.

The firebender let out a sigh; Zuko now knew he _really_ needed to sleep. His _own heartbeat_ was causing him migraines.

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><p>It's early. Too early. Only four or three hours of sleep<em>—<em> _doesn't feel like I've slept at all _—__sitting there in front of the small mirror trying to practice a smile_— it makes the others happy... so why not._

Smiling when sad is an exceptional talent that Zuko does _not _have. _It's like firebending but emotional!_ Then again he isn't exactly... _smiling_ foresay... it's more like 'inside smiling'. Sort of like what he did yesterday... but fake.

But tricking people into thinking that he's okay is going to be hard. For one thing, Zuko can't just become 'happy' 'happy' all in one day! That would be too... suspicious_— __I sound like Sokka. _And also, Zuko now has to find the perfect mix between 'brooding' and 'merry'. _This is too much work, I rather sleep._

Smile. Frown. Smile. Frown. Smil_—_

The teenager grimaced at the feeling of his scar being wrinkled. That's when another thought hit him.

_My appearance... I'm horrendous. _Zuko looked into the tiny mirror he had in front of him. That scar... the dark circles... the hair... he looked like someone punched him in the face. Zuko let out a bitter laugh, thinking back to his banishment. _Well... that isn't wrong. _

He was sickly pale and his eyes were... _peculiar_. Were they always gold? _I thought they were hazel... sort of. Did they change? _

The firebender never cared much for his appearance, but he couldn't help but wonder...

_What happened?_

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><p><strong>This chapter is short I know! *hides*<strong>

******~NOW ON TO SOUL EATER~******

******I want to write a fanfiction about Black*Star and Death the Kid (Deathstar, Starkid, idk whatever you call them). I was going to do a one-shot multi fic... kind of like my Sword Art Online one... but I'm not sure...******

******Here are my ideas for plots!******

******1. Make a reality type show (like The Office) going on in the DWMA -have some Starkid in there-******

******2. Have Black*Star and Kid help Soul to get Maka to like him -either Black*star and kid end up liking each other or they are already dating when the story begins-******

******To be honest I really want to do both but I want to start out with one of them for now. Please PM me or just comment what you think! Thank you!******

******~DONE WITH SOUL EATER~******

******I will try to update more... I WILL TRY!******

**_Edit (November 11th, 2015):_ I took out all of my cringy attempts at extreme angst lmao**

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	6. Chapter VI

**IT HAS BEEN MONTHS I AM SO SORRY I JUST GOT WRITER'S BLOCK OKAY FORGIVE ME.**

**... I'm sorry.**

**Lol... oops? Mannnnn its not like I take a long time actually _writing_ the chapters... its um... getting to the writing part...**

**Disclaimer: If I owned ATLA, Zuko would have a cat obsession.**

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><p><strong>Chapter VI<strong>

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><p>Repetition. That's the word. Every single day was a recurrence. Every morning Zuko would wake up, meditate, wake Aang up, meditate with Aang, eat breakfast, practice with Aang, yell at Aang, get yelled at by Katara, and so on.<p>

Nothing seemed to change.

...And the firebender wasn't sure on how he felt about that.

His whole entire life was like three different choruses in one song. The first part of his life was back when he was just a child, living in the palace. Each day was the same, making the boy whine about how his life was boring. Oh, how Zuko would _kill_ to have that life again.

And after that was his banishment. Sure every day was the same like it was before but... it was _much_ different from how the rhythm of Zuko's life flowed before. It was more... angry. Like a bomb that just kept going off at every second.

And now? Now it was just confusion. Plain confusion.

_The spirits just hate me, don't they? _Zuko thought with an eye roll as he sat down beside Toph and Sokka by the fire pit. Toph snorted.

"Who spit on your fire flakes, Sparky?" The blind bender asked, gaining attention from Zuko and Sokka. The banished prince gave the earthbender a look before he responded.

"No one...?" Sokka laughed at Zuko's response while Katara, who was at the moment making lunch, rolled her eyes.

"Zuko, she was asking about why you're in a bad mood," Katara stated before muttering, "Which is something you are always in."

"Like you're not!" Zuko interjected, causing Sokka and Toph to burst out laughing at Zuko's uncharacteristic eruption at Katara. The waterbender's eyes widened in shock and anger while Zuko bit his bottom lip. _Think before you speak, Zuko! Now look what you have gotten yourself into! _

_"Excuse me?"_ Katara asked, spitting venom from her mouth. Zuko's cheeks flushed as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Meanwhile, Sokka and Toph watched in amusement.

"Uh..." Zuko hesitated and looked at the ground. _Why does this always happen to me?_

"You have no right to speak to me like that!" Katara snapped. "You Fire Nation people are rude, nasty-" Although Katara was yelling at the top of her voice, Zuko had other things on his mind...

_I want to crawl into a black void. I want to crawl into a black void. I want to- _Zuko's thoughts were interrupted by Sokka tapping on his shoulder. The firebender turned to see the watertribe boy giving him a look... it was as if he was trying to tell him...

_Keep going. _

Zuko let his gaze fall on Katara, who was still ranting about him. "-and if I had a turtle seal for every time you-"

"Katara," Zuko interrupted, causing the other three to look at him. The teen hesitated before he spoke, "your talking is more painful to my ears than this scar was," The firebender said, pointing at his scar. Katara gasped while Toph and Sokka snickered at the girl's reaction. Zuko smiled lightly as he felt a gush of relief and confidence run through his body.

Katara frowned as she watched her brother and her close friend laugh at her. She let out a huff before standing up. "Fine," Katara muttered. "I guess you three will just have to wait until dinner to eat," The laughing quickly died down as Katara lifted the pot of rice from the handle and walked towards the edge of the cliff.

"Katara...?" Sokka questioned, standing up slowly. "What are you-"

The waterbender dumped the cooked rice off the cliff, causing Sokka to scream. Katara turned around and faced them. "Oops," She then dropped the pot right in front of Sokka and walked away.

Sokka bent over and picked up the pot. "This is betrayal..." He murmured. "BETRAYAL!"

Zuko raised his one good brow in amusement while Toph patted the his back, gaining his attention. "That was good work you did back there," Toph said, giving the older teen a smirk. "No but seriously," Toph continued, taking her hand off Zuko. "You should do that more."

"Yeah," Zuko nodded. "I will."

_This day wasn't the same as the others... that's for sure._

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><p><strong>Short chapters short chapters! Why is it so short?<strong>

**Each chapter is like a lesson to Zuko! How motivational! **

**I guess thats how this story is... motivational! With some ups and downs... that motivate you to run outside and get a job...?**

**idk but this chapter was cute. And look at wittle Zuzu standing up for himself awww!**

**How long did they even stay at the Western Air Temple? I'm making it seem like they've been staying there for months! ****And don't worry! Katara will be nice to Zuko one day! Not any time soon though lololol**

**_Edit (November 17th, 2015):_ Minor edits on grammar and wording**

**Favorite, Follow, and Review! :3**


	7. Chapter VII

**I am promise breaker i'm so sorry omfg**

**I feel so bad for you peoples don't hate me pls**

**I BLAME BIG BROTHER LIVE FEEDS MANNNN**

**i blame a lot of things. Even though you have to blame one thing: me, myself, and I *refrains from singing the demi song***

**Disclaimer: If I owned ATLA, Zuko would have a cat obsession.**

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><p><strong>Chapter VII<strong>

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><p><em>"Do you think he'll ever get better?" Lu Ten glanced at his cousin, who was playing with the fabric of his robe, and gave him a look of confusion. Zuko and Lu Ten were sitting next to the pond in the garden of the palace, feeding the turtleducks. <em>

_"Get better?" the teen questioned. "Who are you speaking of, Zuko?"_

_The raven-haired boy shrugged lazily and looked up from his sleeves. "My father," Zuko responded. Lu Ten shook his head and let out a sigh before he tore off a small piece of bread and threw it in the water._

_"I didn't know Uncle was sick," Lu Ten murmured, causing Zuko to pout and tap his cousin's arm. Lu Ten turned immediately, giving his attention to the young prince._

_"That's not what I meant," The nine-year-old exclaimed, letting out a huff of annoyance. "It's just that... he's been acting weird towards me. I don't know why," Zuko looked up into his cousin's eyes. "Is there something wrong with me?"_

_Lu Ten shook his head. "No!" The teen rejected the idea. "Nothing is wrong with you! He's probably just..." Lu Ten thought for a moment before continuing. "... He's probably stressed... because of the war and everything," Zuko nodded slowly while his cousin explained. "Sometimes when my father is stressed he acts weird towards me. Just give him some time and he'll come around."_

_The young prince gave his cousin a smile. "Yeah, you're right! Hopefully, he'll feel better soon!"_

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><p>Hakoda watched Zuko and Aang, who were meditating on a spot away from the temple. "Sleep well?" The water tribe chief, startled by the voice, turned around abruptly to see his son's girlfriend, Suki. Hakoda let out a sigh of relief before responding.<p>

"To be completely honest... no. I haven't slept well since we escaped the Boiling Rock."

Suki nodded in agreement before sitting down next to him. They both began to watch Zuko and Aang. "I can't sleep either... it's because of Zuko... I just can't trust him," Suki shook her head in disbelief. "I still can't believe that Sokka, Aang, and Toph trust him completely. It's like they have forgotten everything he has done..."

"They haven't forgotten," Hakoda stated calmly, causing Suki to take her eyes of Zuko and Aang. "They have just simply forgiven."

Suki turned her attention back to the two males meditating. "I wish I could do that," the brunette let out a sigh. "It would make everything so much easier."

Hakoda let out a breathy laugh. "Is that your goal?" Suki looked up at the man. "To make life easier?"

"Well yeah..." Suki said, looking into the chief's eyes. "I want life to be easier for everyone. No worries... nothing," Hakoda nodded, understanding what the teen was saying. "What's yours?"

Hakoda furrowed his eyebrows. "Huh?"

"Your goals in life," Suki reminded him. "What's your goal?"

The water tribe chief thought for a second before answering. "I want my children to be safe," Suki raised her eyebrows at him. "I want them to grow up, get married, have children... I want them to have a good life."

Suki bit her lip. "If you want that... then why are you allowing them to fight alongside with Aang?"

"Because that's what they want," Hakoda answered. "If they want to risk their safety for the world... then that's their decision. I can't interfere with their decisions in life. If I did that... then what type of father would I be? I would be taking away their freedom."

The warrior gave Hakoda a small smile. "You really care for your kids, huh?"

The chief nodded, "What type of father wouldn't?"

The two fell into silence as they watched Zuko and Aang get up from meditation and walk towards them. "— can I please~!" Suki and Hakoda heard Aang whine when him and Zuko arrived at the spot where they were sitting.

The banished prince rolled his eyes. "Fine," he muttered in defeat. Aang let out a small squeal before running off to the temple.

"Thank you, Sifu Hotman!"

"Don't call me that..." Zuko cursed under his breath. Hakoda let out a small laugh.

"What was that about?" The chief questioned. Zuko sat down next to him, (and may I say awkwardly!) letting out a sigh.

"Aang wanted to help Katara prepare breakfast," The firebender answered as smoothly as he possibly could. Hakoda nodded in response. "So..." _Just stay calm and converse with them... it's not that hard. _"W-what are you guys talking about...?"

"Our goals in life," Hakoda replied.

Zuko nodded stiffly, biting his bottom lip as he did.

"So Zuko..." Suki started, forcing a smile onto her face. "What's your goal in life?"

This question caught the banished prince off guard. "Uh..." _Goals? _"I d-don't have any goals," Zuko murmured, sickly embarrassed. Suki and Hakoda both gave Zuko a shocked look.

"None?" Suki asked, baffled at the prince's answer.

Zuko shook his head. "No, not really... I used to have goals, but I ended up giving up on them."

Hakoda frowned. "Well, what were they? What were your goals?"

The prince shrugged. "They were stupid things... like making my father proud and catching Aang," Hakoda gave Zuko a look.

"Making your father proud is stupid?" Zuko had to physically stop himself from slapping himself in the face. _Right Zuko, just tell the dad that making his own dad proud is stupid! _Hakoda raised his eyebrows at Zuko, waiting for a response. "Well?" Hakoda's tone was intense, almost causing Zuko to wince in response. _Spirits.__.. he is an older, hairier, male version of Katara. _"How is it stupid?" _How many incidents such as these does it take for me to learn my lesson and think before I speak?_

"Breakfast is ready!" Katara announced, causing Zuko to let out a sigh of relief. _I never thought that I would be thankful to hear Katara's voice._ Hakoda, Suki, and Zuko all stood up and began to walk back to the temple. _  
><em>

"We'll continue this later, okay?" Hakoda stated, facing Zuko. _I rather not._

"Okay." _Operation: 'Avoid Old Man' is a go._

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><p><strong>Zuko's thoughts are kinda OC oh well<strong>

**its kinda bad... sorry lol**

**THE FLASHBACK HAS TO DO WITH HIS GOALS YOU SEE BECAUSE DADDY OZAI IS ALL LIKE 'lol zuko u dum' AND ZUKO IS ALL LIKE 'dad im not dum i wil show u i promis'**

**hopefully i will update soon. _hopefully_.**

**_Edit (November 17th, 2015):_ I fixed some minor errors and I _kinda_ fixed the OC problem lol. He's more in character but idk idk**

**Favorite, Follow, and Review! :3**


	8. Chapter VIII

***this author note is rly long. it's just an update on my life. ALSO pls read the author note at the end of the story! It has to do with the future of this fanfiction and I want your opinions on my plans and such lmao***

**re-reading this story i'm actually cringing rip but since i really liked the plot i'm gonna continue this story lol. **

**FIRST OF ALL! i'm sorry for being gone for a year. it was my first year of high school and i really needed some time to figure myself out and focus on school. also i've always been really unorganized so i needed time to get organized and fix my terrible time-management skills lmao. **

**SECOND OF ALL! i am a much better author, artist, and well everything now. i feel like i'm much more mature and much more creative than before. when i was last on here i was going through a major mental change where i basically was waking up to all the self-pity and tumblr-y shit i put myself through in middle school. so just reading through my past stories and seeing my author notes filled up with: "ugh i suck! :(" and all that is rly cringy omfg. but i'm keeping it as a little lesson so i can see how immature i was back then and how much i changed.**

**OKAY this is all. so here is the next chapter! hopefully i'll be able to continue with ease lmao**

**Disclaimer: homie... is this necessary?**

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><p><strong>Chapter VIII<strong>

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><p>During times like these, Zuko wished he had the brains of Sokka. And that statement in itself was extreme. 'Operation: Avoid Old Man' was nothing less of Zuko awkwardly turning a corner, attempting to escape Hakoda's gaze. The firebender knew he would flourish with Sokka's planning talents; he knew that if he spent more of his banishment studying the arts of planning rather than the arts of stalking a one-thousand-year-old airbender trapped in a prepubescent boy's body, then maybe he wouldn't have such an issue at the moment.<p>

Zuko chewed at his rice quietly, his eyes flashing back and forth between Toph and The Duke, who were having what seemed like an argument... not that Zuko would know, his anxious thoughts were draining out all other noises. The banished prince made sure to avoid any eye contact with Hakoda for obvious reasons. Zuko was never good at conversations, but conversations revolving around his emotions? _I rather have an angry Mai and an angry Katara join forces against me than do that._

The dinner was rather uneventful; Katara scolded Sokka for trying to sneak a third helping, Toph tossed a rock at Aang's head, The Duke corrected the others on his name about three times, and Hakoda... was staring at Zuko. For the _whole time_. Zuko didn't have to face the water tribe chief to know; the teenager could _feel_ Hakoda's eyes on him. This made Zuko more than uncomfortable. How was Zuko supposed to avoid him when Hakoda had Zuko's own avatar-chasing levels of stalking?

Before Zuko knew it, everyone was cleaning up. He blinked before standing up to clean his own empty dish (which he didn't remember finishing).

"Hey, Sparky," Toph whispered after the two both finished cleaning their own dishes, elbowing the firebender's ribs. Zuko looked down at the blind earthbender, waiting for her to speak. Toph, now knowing she had the banished prince's attention, continued. "Dinner was fun, don't ya think?"

Zuko gave the younger girl a look of suspicion. "I suppose..."

"_Really?_ Come on, Sparky!" The earthbender exclaimed. "I could see your anxiety from miles away!"

"You can't even see..."

"Exactly!" Toph took a step in front of the older bender, causing him to stop walking. "So, why were you all freaked out during dinner? Sugar queen didn't even scream at you today."

The firebender bit his bottom lip before responding, "I was expecting her to... to scream at me... so I was scared?" The look Toph gave him was all Zuko needed to know. Zuko didn't even know why he tried; Toph had the ability to catch any lie... and Zuko has never been very good at lying.

"You can tell me anything," Toph then said, shooting him a smirk.

"Fine! I'll tell you," Zuko groaned, accepting his failure. The raven-haired teen sucked in a deep breath before continuing. "It's Hakoda... he keeps trying to have these deep philosophical talks with me and he won't leave me alone and- hey! Why are you laughing?" The young earthbender was basically falling over from her laughter. Zuko let out an angry huff and crossed his arms over his chest, not even trying to stop her snickering. Soon enough, Toph's laughter began to die down, replaced with small hiccups instead. "Are you finished?" Zuko grumbled, glaring at the blind girl.

"Oh, calm down sweet cheeks," Toph snickered. Zuko grimaced at the new nickname while Toph calmed her laughter down completely. "I'll admit, I understand Katara... but Hakoda? Zuko, he's like eighty!"

"He's not even close to being eighty and you don't understand!" Zuko exclaimed, roughly running his hands through his hair. "He won't leave me alone! He keeps trying to make conversation with me and honestly... he's worse than Katara, Toph!"

"Now there's no need to overreact," Toph laughed, amusement tinting every word. "Hakoda is harmless, Sparky."

"I rather get yelled at by Katara than have a therapy session," Zuko admitted, gaining a nod of agreement from the younger girl. Both benders grimaced at the thought of Hakoda questioning them on their feelings.

"Nevermind. I understand where you're coming from."

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><p><strong> I know shorter chapter but i've already started writing the next one and its gonna be long lmao.<strong>

**~FUTURE OF THE STORY~ (pls read lol)**

**i'm gonna rewrite and add things to the past chapters (also take out things... like the journal lmao i mean unless y'all liked that)**

**if u guys like zuko's journal tell me because i'm planning on taking it out lol**

**but overall this story is going to be a bit different than what I originally planned a year ago. I'm pretty sure I was planning on some really dark stuff but now re-reading this story and seeing how I wrote Zuko's character, I don't see this fic as a story about Zuko's road to destruction rather than Zuko's road to acceptance of not only his destiny but of himself.**

**I want to highlight Zuko's insecurities and write about how he overcomes them. I feel like I sorta did that in some chapters so its not too different lol but i also want to write about the Gaang and how Zuko's arrival changes them and blah blah**

**but by the next chapter, the past chapters will be edited and altered lol (and the changes won't be too extreme but they won't be subtle either)**

**the chapters will be longer and the story will be organized. i have matured as a writer so no more cliche journal entries lmao**

**Updates at least once a week unless I say otherwise**

**Review. Follow. Favourite - all that stuff lol, tell me your opinions**


	9. Chapter IX

**if you are new to this story... hello! just move on and read the chapter lol! but if you aren't I have some thangs to tell you lol: so i edited each chapter and after getting many mixed comments and messages from y'all... i decided to take out the journal lmao. honestly even if everyone like it i would have taken it out. mainly because i just don't feel it lmao if that makes any sense lol. but i just found the whole journal plot-line very cliche and very predictable! so it's gone! RIP EMO DIARY LMAO**

**also! I took out all of the unnecessary cringy emo angst so pls re-read the story because the chapters are all much better now! (the first chapter is still pretty over-angsty but idk idk)**

**ALSO I MADE AN ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN ACCOUNT THINGY:**** TRIX19**

**I'm basically gonna post this story on there as well and blah blah but still! same stories, different site lol.**

**Disclaimer: lmao**

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><p>Zuko blinked. <em>This isn't fair. Nothing is fair. Life isn't fair-<em>

Zuko just wanted to meditate, like he does every morning. No distractions, no interruptions, and _no human interaction_. His early start to the day was to calm his nerves, not enhance them to extreme levels of anxiety and stress.

"You're up early," Zuko almost took a dive off the cliff from hearing Hakoda's voice. The teenager worked so hard on avoiding Hakoda; he tried, but all his attempts were for nothing. The water-tribe chief was standing right in front of him... _smiling_. Smiling, while Zuko was suffering from a mini mental breakdown.

Zuko physically held back an eye roll before responding. "I rise with the sun..." Zuko lamely stated, awkwardly pointing at the sun behind him. Hakoda nodded with a smile.

"I've heard of that. Firebenders rising with the sun; at their strongest, like waterbenders and the moon." This time, it was Zuko nodding. The firebender tried to give the man one of the fake smiles he's been practicing, but Zuko didn't even have to look in a mirror to know how awkward the smile was. Hakoda grinned back before opening his mouth to speak again. "I was meaning to talk to you actually."

_Oh no. Oh spirits, oh god no. _The pale teen had to physically force the muscles in his face to remain motionless. His nerves were beginning to seep out and the last thing Zuko wanted was to have his panic known to Hakoda. _He would just use it as another reason to have a 'talk'._ "Yeah... me too." _Lies._

Hakoda raised an eyebrow in response, a look of amusement on his face. "Really? A certain earthbender told me otherwise." The banished prince didn't even try to hold back an eye roll this time. Zuko was more annoyed than angry; the firebender knew deep, _deep_ down that he couldn't avoid Hakoda forever (also, he couldn't bring himself to be angry with someone for being traitorous when he, himself, was a traitor). "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, that was not my intention," Hakoda apologized, sending Zuko a kind smile. The teen stared back, his lips not even twitching in response. "I just wanted to talk."

"Then go ahead," Zuko hastily responded, wanting to get this conversation over with. Hakoda let out a sigh, frowning.

"I'll admit, at first I was worried about you," Hakoda said, giving Zuko an unreadable look. Zuko furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, unsure on where his statement was heading."My daughter and my son have... _very_ different opinions regarding you," The water-tribe chief then said with a small laugh. "But that's all they are, Zuko, opinions. And after getting mixed views on you... I decided to figure out my views on the matter on my own. And I have made my decision," Hakoda took a step towards the banished prince and Zuko almost took a step back, away from the water tribe chief. "I may not know _why_ you've changed sides, but that doesn't change the fact that you have. You're on our side now, and I'm thankful. Not only does the Avatar have a firebending teacher now but if it weren't for you and my son... I would still be stuck in the Boiling Rock."

Zuko responded with a small shrug, "I was just doing what was right..." Hakoda smiled at his response.

"You're not a bad man, Zuko. No matter how much my daughter tells you otherwise," Zuko stared at Hakoda, a mixture of shock and confusion clouding his features. Hakoda sent the teen another small smile. "Whatever you did to anger my daughter in such a way, it doesn't define you. Your past doesn't define you. It's what you do now, in the present, that does."

The firebender shook his head, sending his eyes to gaze at the ground beneath him. "...I've made a lot of mistakes," Zuko muttered, not daring to look up at Hakoda.

"And none of them matter now," the bold statement sent Zuko's eyes up to Hakoda's. "Whatever man you were before... you aren't him anymore."

"How can you just say that?" Zuko questioned. "You didn't know me back then... you don't even know me _now_. How can you just assume-"

"The others forgave you," Hakoda interrupted. "Many of the others get along with you. My own son even gets along with you. All of the children treat you as an equal because to them you _are_ an equal. To them, you have changed."

"But Katara-"

"My daughter is different," The water-tribe chief said with a sigh. "Whatever happened between you two... it affected her deeply," Zuko physically cringed at that statement. "Katara is very kind, but she doesn't forgive easily," Hakoda admitted, shaking his head. "You'll have to talk to her personally to get rid of her grudge."

Zuko grimaced at the thought of speaking to Katara with no one else around. _The last time I spoke to her one-on-one she threatened to kill me. _The teen almost shuddered at the memory. "I'm rather be hated by Katara, but thank you," Zuko offered Hakoda a small smile, causing the older man to grin back. A mutual silence clouded over both men. The silence was then broken by Hakoda, who cleared his throat.

"Now that we have that cleared up, let's continue our conversation from yesterday," Zuko's good eye widened in realization. "Your goals in life, yes?"

The pale teen shook his head and gave the older man a look of faux confusion. "No... I don't recall this conversation, Hakoda."

The water-tribe chief chuckled and opened his mouth to respond, but Zuko didn't give him time to. Instead, the firebender strolled pass Hakoda, not saying a word as he did. Hakoda watched Zuko as he walked away, an amused smile on his face. "We'll have to talk about your goals one of these days, Zuko."

Zuko didn't stop walking, nor did he turn around when he stated: "No, I'm fine!"

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><p><strong>i'm excited for the direction this story is taking lmao tbh. <strong>

**Okay lmao the dreaded conversation with Katara... isn't happening for a while LMAO! lol I honestly never liked Katara as a character (sorry rip) so I enjoy writing her as this rly bitter bitch tbh omg. so for my own amusement and pleasure, bitter!Katara is gonna be here for a while lol. **

**BUT do expect more topics regarding Suki. Next character study in this story that's not Zuzu is... Suki OMG! and btw don't worry the Hakoda plot-line isn't over yet lol! Zuko still has daddy issues and how is Hakoda supposed to be a father-figure when Zuko is still stuck on Ozai? (and I guess Iroh and all the guilt Zuko has lol) but yah prepare urself. **

**Thank you for the comments. Your guys' ideas for the story really do help me so if you have a suggestion for the story, don't be afraid to tell me!**

**but yeah lol bye see u next week probs lol**


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